I don’t blame you!

You gave me laughter

You showed me happiness

You taught me how to love

You gave me a reason to trust

But that’s what I thought

Maybe you did it for yourself

Maybe you want to run away from your past

But everytime you kissed me

All those times you held my hand

Maybe you were only thinking of her

Maybe I was filling the void she left

Maybe I was only an option

But I wouldn’t know, would I?

I would never know what you were thinking

But how can I blame you for my fault?

What were you thinking when you took me to bed?

Why didn’t I think if you could do this to her!

How was I such a fool?

Was I a gateway to the world you had only dreamt of?

Was I the girl who picked a stray no one would accept?

Someone who could show you a place to fit right in?

I thought you were brave and unique

But I realize you are just scared of being alone

I thought you are my superhero

But you are just another human who is afraid of heartbreaks

I expected more from you than you could give yourself

I created a mirage of you and believed it’s true

How was I so naïve?

And now I don’t blame you because,

How could I when it is my fault?

I hoped for someone who cannot love himself to love me

Someone who cannot save himself to save me

You pulled me with you into the vortex and left me there

You were constantly searching for something that wasn’t there

How can I say I loved you when I was such an idiot?

How can you say you did not betray when all you did was that?

You were on the beach with her when I was crying until my chest pained.

Did she like you as much as I did?

Did she give you the things I couldn’t?

Was she more beautiful because she wasn’t as broken as me?

Was her soul not as dark as mine?

Did she smile like me everytime you whipped her with your sharp tongue?

Or was she only interested in your body and not your soul?

How could you come back and lie?

How did you think I wouldn’t know?

Do you know our souls are tied and I always knew?

Everything you do and think, I feel and see,

The unspoken words and the beautifully plaited lies

That’s what we had when we lived for each other

That’s what you broke when you went with her

But how could I be angry with her when you didn’t love me?

How could I blame you for not loving me?

How did you give her what you had given me?

When you promised me it’s all mine.

How could you come back and give me the same again?

Why would I take what’s being shared?

How did you think I am a woman who would be OK with that?

But how can I blame you when I made you believe that maybe I am?

You threw away what we had, what was ours.

And then now you are standing at my doorstep

When I have finally learnt to live without you

You are here looking at me with those beautiful eyes

That smile which has always killed me

You are here asking for another chance

Now when I want to walk away, you want to come back

Now when I have a beautiful world that doesn’t involve you

You want to be a part of it

But you don’t realize what you could do to me.

You don’t understand I don’t like what you do to me.

You can never realize the power you have on me.

So, this is me, closing the door while you are still outside.

This is me saying no, you can’t be a part of my life.

I am not sorry to let you go

For you weren’t when you killed us.

You weren’t when you broke me.

I am going to cry over it while walking away

Because you burned a hole in my heart

But it’s all tears of pride and I am worth it

This is me, putting myself first after all those years of grueling pain

I am going to walk away because,

You destroyed what we had.

And yes, I blame you for that!

But I can do it alone this time and I don’t need you

I don’t need you in this world of mine because it’s beautiful without you

You showed me how much love could hurt

Now I am going to show myself how love could nurture.

 

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