I Still Love You Because…

I know I still love you when it feels like yesterday
The time we met and the time you first smiled at me
When you held my hand and pulled me into a hug
All those bike rides and empty conversations at night
Us giving shapes to the clouds and naming them
Sitting on your lap, looking at your face as you spoke
Kissing your tears away and kissing your lips
You singing quietly into my ears when the world around us was sleeping
When night enveloped us and the sky was our roof
When we made love for the first time on the grass
With the stars and moon as witness
When you traced your name on my skin and kissed
When I could see your smile even when it was pitch dark
When you stood tall and held me as I fell apart
The times you became my father and me your child
The times when I cuddled up to you and listened to your heart beat
Your heartbeat that has always been my lullaby
You patting me to sleep, cuddling with me through my nightmares
Just you and me in this big wide world
When you woke up early to make me breakfast
Your voice over the phone in the middle of the night calling out my name
My blind and fierce love for you
That trust I know you wouldn’t hurt me, ever.
Oh! What a fool and yet…
All I can think of is to go back in time
So I can see you, be with you, stay with you and treasure that moment like a prize won by a kid
Stop the time from moving ahead so we stay happily ever after and beyond
When everything crumbled I still hoped you will stay
That you will say it was all a lie
That you were pulling a prank as you always did
But no, you have taken my life with you
A big part of me that was capable of being happy through a disaster
Now sitting in this dark room, I think I loved you like a fool and I would always do
And I would never love another person as much as I loved you
Because the hole you left behind is still there
The wound so fresh that it still hurts after all these years
A part of me went with you that sometimes I think I am just a human existing, breathing out of duty to keep the bones and flesh alive….


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