I want you to know that I love the quiet nights and the silent whispers when you are by my side. The warmth you leave behind when you wake up from the bed. Your musk that lingers on me that makes me feel like you have possessed me. Your husky voice and the sweet words, your mesmerizing laughter and the unexpected kisses, I love how you bare your soul to me and show your world. You don’t let me take a peek into it but you invite me in and show every nook and corner of it. You engulf me with your care and affection. I love how you are not ashamed of your scars. It makes me wish I was as brave as you are. I love the way you love me, fierce and raw. I love how you trust me and love me beyond everything. Should I be scared that you are making me the center of your world? You come out of your comfort zone only to see a smile on my face. I am overwhelmed when I think how much I mean to you. Whenever you ask me what’s in my head, I have a lot of things to say. It gives me endless pain when I push you away, to see your face when I do that.
I want you to know that it is the demons from my past. It is the serpent that killed my heart. Everytime I try to open the door to my soul it stands next to me. With its vicious green eyes threatening to kill me by taking you away and so I run back into my shell and shut it close. I am sorry I don’t know how to be brave. You don’t know how much I love you and I don’t know how to tell. You say you know what I mean, that you understand the words I cannot speak. But do you know I want to hold your hand and lean on your shoulders. That I want to kiss your cheeks and your neck, pull you closer and never let go. Do you know I think of you day and night? That even when I am lost in my meaningless thoughts I am thinking of you just out of habit. I feel so exhilarated when you tell me that you can tell my mood by just listening to my voice, I want to scream to this world that you are my love. I want to hug you before you do and tell you that I love you before you do. I don’t want to be that person in the relationship who answers only with a smile. But here I am doing the things I don’t want to do. Sometimes all I want to do is just sit next to you and clasp my fingers in yours, ruffle your hair and kiss your eyes when you sleep, lie on your chest and listen to your heartbeat. Watch you sleep and listen to you breathe; kiss those lips that’s always curved into a smile. Just how do you do it? Just how are so happy all the time? Do you know I love you to the moon and back? I love you beyond the depth of the ocean and the ends of the horizon? Would you believe that butterflies flutter in my stomach everytime I hear your voice? Do you know the only person that can make me smile is you?
You are my antidote, my kryptonite and my proton. You are the reason I have a jump in my walk and a smile on my face. You are the reason people think I am stupid because I am always smiling at my little cellphone. Do you know I am dying to tell you these but I would rather die than tell you these things? Do you know that you are in love with the cruelest person in the world? Because I might never be able to tell you these things while looking at your eyes.
The girl you love, who is trapped in her own mind and insecurities!