Do you ever get tired of having all those thoughts in your head? Everything that you want to say but chew down because it didn’t matter to others. But to you it mattered a great deal because they have made you into the person you are today. Strong yet vulnerable, logical yet emotional, forgiving yet vengeful, this mask that you are wearing because you feel too much, think too much and don’t want anyone to see who you really are. But do you ever feel like screaming on top of your voice to the world? Ask them to sod off because their opinions don’t matter and your life does.
Do the sensitivity of your thoughts eat your soul bit by bit? How does the constant hammering of those emotions in your head feel? Like a notorious prisoner trying to escape the prison, the constant clamping of the handcuffs, the nonstop senseless screaming of challenges, the questions, the threats. Do they ever affect you? Ever considered setting them free because they are feeding on your soul like termites do on the insides of the wall, chewing you hollow. Do you know if this continues there won’t be anything left inside of you and around you when you finally explode? This façade that you are carrying around is only going to kill you one day.
The thoughts screaming in your brain cells night after night, keeping you awake, soaking your pillows wet. When the smell of the night and the cool breeze seem to soothe your mind for a while and all you want to do is relax and breathe. But there they are, yet again, screaming that familiar scream on your face. Your heart cringes in the corner of your rib that you feel a physical pain. You get reminded of everything, the wailing, your heart clinging on to you and begging for help, scared of being drawn back into the vortex of depression. It’s a familiar place isn’t it? You have even learnt to find comfort there but you were a fighter then. You rescued yourself back and into this world. Only this time, you are tired and too beaten up to be rescued.
The rage, the betrayals, the lies you were forced to let go because your emotions were not respected rather rejected because they didn’t want to face the truth, they didn’t want to apologize or they just didn’t have the sensitivity to see how hurt you are. Do you know your heart is crying in a corner thinking about all this that you accepted in the past? Why did you do it? Don’t you think you deserve better? Don’t you think your emotions should be acknowledged? Don’t you want to heal your heart? Don’t you want to touch the wounds and heal it? To show and lead the way out of this labyrinth you are both stuck in and once you are out, seal the door and nuke the place because you can live with that hollow because its less harrowing as compared to all these thoughts, emotions and pain.