I walked into the dark, desolated room, the room was cool because of the air conditioner. It was soothing, a relief from the harsh sun and heat outside. I looked around and all the cubicles were empty. It will soon get filled with people. The people I know and see everyday and yet do not smile or talk to because I don’t like people. I cannot do small talks or smile till my jaw hurts. I cannot laugh at their silly jokes and I cannot pretend. But what is life like for these people out of this sealed room? What do they do apart from work? I switch the light above my cabin and settle down. When the monitor comes alive, I type in my employee ID to unlock the computer. I type it wrong and think it is probably the ID of someone else. I think of this stranger for a while. I wonder what their life is like.
Once the system unlocks I open outlook and start reading the e-mails, wish my friends Good morning on both phone and chat. I start working. My urge to write something is subsided by the urge to work. This has been happening for a long time now and I have been ignoring the anger I feel because of this. I have started putting work ahead of everything else. I am passionate about what I do but these are the times I want to take a step back and contemplate if I have become a workaholic, if I have made my entire life about work. To answer that, yes, I have!
I look at the sticky note I had put at the bottom of my monitor, “Tell me what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” it said. A quote I had stolen from Mary Oliver to remind myself that I have one life and it is precious. Time is running out and it’s been a while since I did something wild. I have become this desk job, 9 to 6 person who is happy with her life that’s monotonous. A life that is filled with empty wishes and unexecuted plans, I opened my runner and took the pocket notebook in which I had written a list of places I want to visit. A place that would give me a break from this boring life, but I don’t want to go these places with my friends or family or cousins. I want to go here alone. I want to be with myself. It is all about living alone and going alone wherever you go because, after a certain age you start believing that it is OK to be alone instead of being with people whom you are holding on to so tight. You understand that your life is about yourself and nobody takes priority I want to solo travel. Go to a place where I don’t have to talk to people if I don’t have to, where nobody knows who I am or what I do for a living, where there is no routine and nobody is going to ask me to follow a routine because I have to, because that’s how a life should be led, where I am just a nomad, no rules, no responsibilities, no compulsion, a place where I have to please only myself and nobody else. A place where I can be close to myself and nature, I ran my fingers on the word “Coorg” it brought a smile on my face. After weeks and weeks of obsessively reading about Coorg I decided that that’s where I want to go. A string of my soul was tied to this place. I was grinning at it like I just met the love of my life and I know I was going to go there.
Ever felt like running away and never wanting to come back because this life has become so boring that the boredom is weighing down on you? I feel that all the time. I want to vanish into thin air and go to a different country or place. So now, I am going to vanish away to Coorg.
It’s going to be me, my backpack, my car and Coorg. We are going to fall in love with each other, make love and burn this world with our love-making. I will drive all the way to this place because I love to drive. That’s another thing I find liberating. Just me, my car and the music, it seems like we are all singing together as we are taking a trip to heaven and back. I would book a room or sleep in the car. I would take a dip at the waterfalls even if it is cold and go for a trek where I can feel close to nature. I will stroll through the local markets and eat their food; I will talk to them if I want to and get to know their culture and life. I will go to the coffee estate and take in all the amazingness of the magic drink that keeps plenty of them alive and sane everyday.
In the evenings, I will find a secluded place and wait for the stars to appear in the sky, breathe in the fresh and cold mountain air. I would walk and drive every inch of the place, just so I can become one. Where I can drink up Coorg and Coorg could engulf me. I will sit in the dark and stare at nothing while my heart and brain has an argument that goes something like this –
The heart says, “You earn to live your life. You earn to make money so you can do the things that you want to do, buy the things you love to have, you work for money and that money is going to be put into good use for things like this. You are losing yourself in this chaos and you should stop it and take a break every now and then. You are going to work on your passion and I am going to help you with that. You are going to shut brain down when I ask you to and we will do the things that pleases us”
Surprisingly, I will listen to my heart and let it win after a long time because, I believe what it says and smile into the darkness because your heart always speaks the truth. If your heart smiles you will smile too!
Now, I have a plan on what I should do with my one wild, precious life.