Happiness preceded love…

How do I tell you that I love you?

That every second of my day is made of your thoughts

When I see a couple cuddling in the bike on a rainy evening

When I see them holding their hands as they walk on the seashore

When I see that lonely girl smiling at her tiny device

That every time my phone beeps I hope it’s you

Do you realize that you make my heart skip a beat?

That just the excitement of seeing your name gives me a heart attack

It lasts so long that it steals my sleep away

I lie on the bed hoping you were by my side

Dreaming of the things we would do

The things we would talk about, what would you whisper in my ears?

When I see a sky full of stars and a bright one among them

I imagine if you ever look up to see the sky and this bright star

And if I follow the opposite side of that star in a straight line

Will I see you? Those beautiful eyes that always seem calm

Like you have all the time in the world to listen to my nonsense

How do I tell you that I want to start a life with you?

That I want to break that hard shell of yours and walk right in

Read your thoughts and the thoughts about those thoughts

That I want to detangle that complicated brain of yours

And tell you to calm down because there is no competition

That you are the best to me and no one can ever beat that

I want to bring the best in you and embrace your imperfections

Make a bundle of your anger and irrationality and hug it tight

Because that’s a part of you too and I would never let that go

That I cannot lose any single piece of you, good or bad

I want all of them only because it belongs to you

I want to confess that I am so greedy and gluttony

That I want you all for myself

How do I tell you that I want my days to begin with you?

That at the end of an exhausted day all I want to do is melt in your arms

Bear your babies and raise them to be just like you

How do I tell you that this is all stuck in my head?

How do I tell you that I rehearse this every day and night?

How do I tell you that if I tell you that if I tell you that I love you, you will be gone?

That I am selfish and want to hug this little wish of mine and never tell you

For I cannot hear you say no, for I cannot bear you leaving me

If this little world of dream and life I built around us and about us will crash

And I cannot see that because I would love to stay happy

For my happiness precedes our life together

Oh! How can I be so cruel to myself?

How can I let you walk right out of my life?

But you were never a part of it. Not again and not ever I will let someone walk around

And break everything I gathered for years like a precious stone

I can never let that happen again.

I can never let someone control my happiness.

But how do I tell you I am desperate to bring you into my life and keep my happiness too?

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