That Single greatest problem of my life

Right now, the floor I work in is super crowded. The entire project has shrunk to an amazing low and everyone’s moved to my once peaceful, less human floor. What’s worse my director is on the same floor and my managers are so disheartened because of this. *happy dance* People are busy discussing codes, defects and over a point of time it’s only noise and more noise. Inspite of so many men moving here I cannot find one good looking guy! Just how much meaner can life be to me? The dude who sits next to me won’t stop singing. I think he thinks of himself as the future Arijit Singh of India. He started with some Telugu number (at least that’s what I think) in the morning and then a few minutes back he was singing a song from an advertisement. I have a human radio against my will. I am planning to give him my playlist. If he decides to sing all the time he might as well sing few songs I like. Then there’s his teammate who is constantly snorting at his loudest best. He is staring at my monitor at equal intervals as I write this. I hope he reads about me complaining about his disgusting snorts! Somehow people have developed the habit of using the word “ji” after a Tamil movie. These people hardly know a word in Hindi. Not that I am complaining about them using the word. But it just feels out of place when included with a language like Tamil and English. “Ji, when you will come for lunch ji?” imagine this from a man who is constantly snorting and his voice sore due to cold which is coarse and squeaky even otherwise. Now, imagine listening to this 9 hours a day. Imagine being me who complains about everything, every single minute, someone who snaps at people when they cross the tolerance zone putting up with this. Imagine keeping quiet to something like this every day of every week except the weekends. Just imagine!
As a result of this, my journals are overflowing with rants. It’s not a very proud journal like Anne Frank’s diary. It’s getting filled up with more and more crap every single day that I wait for my journal to grow hands and slap me. Like that emoji on FB messenger that says “BAS” (enough). I am in a dilemma about solo travelling and so my travel plans are at a limbo. I bought 4 novels beginning of this month and now I have no novel to read. So I spend the evenings eating my mom’s head who is really hoping I get a life ASAP! She’s considered throwing me out but my dad’s against it. This is how much a girl with a very small and fragile heart can handle. But no! God has always been gracious enough to give me more pain in life.
Chennai, as most of us are very well aware of do not have a very pleasant climate. OK, let’s face it. Chennai’s climate is mostly at its pathetic best! The sun’s up at around 6.30 AM and makes sure we are all toasted. You are always sweating. It feels like the sun is giving you an evil grin and saying, “Free sauna! Suck it up bitches!” Now, on the way to office we have to wait at atleast 5 signals for 3 to 4 mins per signal with the helmet adorning your beautiful, muddy head and sweat dripping through every cell of your body. So basically on an average we have to wait for atleast 10 mins under the scotching sun before getting to office. I am not very good at statistics but I hope you get the idea. And by the time you reach office you are a sodding mess. Now an IT professional earns at least 15K per month and the folks in my floor they definitely earn more than 40K per month. Now from what I know a deodorant costs only Rs. 150 it comes for a month. I am sure everyone’s aware that we are all not flowers that smell pleasant even as it withers. And buying a deodorant will not burn a hole in your pocket! I know you are wondering where I am going with all this!
The thing is, I always get off on the wrong foot with people but I am still going to go ahead and ask a very innocent question here – What are the potential problems with buying a body spray that is totally affordable? Do people even realize how much of a torture it is to be around them when they stink like a pig? Why do they lift their arms? More so, how are they so confident while raising their hands high up? Do they know that they stink like a rotten meat and that it’s plain disgusting? OK, I know that’s more than one innocent question but someone please tell me how to handle this? I have tried potpourri, incense sticks, and covering my nose with a kerchief like someone straight from a house robbery. It didn’t help. Should I offer them my perfume? Or should I offer to buy them one every month? Just tell me and I will do it!

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