I know you are disappointed with me for some of the decisions I have made in my life. Especially for not getting married until I find the right person. Although mom supports me and thinks what I do is right (I know you are angry with her for that. Please don’t be). I know you are afraid that your little baby girl like you always call me, might have to be alone in this big bad world when you are gone. Trust me; I am well aware of the fact that as I grow older everyday you are growing old too. I also know how much that scares you, it scares me too. But, I want you to know that you cannot protect me all the time because, I am already out here in this bad world and I have seen and heard things that scared me once, it doesn’t anymore. Although you keep telling me I have grown up, you never seem to have actually let that fact settle in. The real reason behind why I don’t want to be married yet has a lot of things I see around me every single day. My friends, colleagues, random strangers whose phone conversations I hear as I go past them. They all sound unhappy one way or the other. I can see it in their eyes and face. I know something is wrong. I know that life cannot be a bundle of joy all the time. I know life is made up of compromises but I just cannot live a life that is a compromise in itself. Don’t you think I should end up with someone who will be my best friend and understand me just as you and mom do? With whom I will enjoy my life?
I have met enough bad people in life that I know not to trust anyone unless they give me a strong reason otherwise. I know this is my shortcoming but then I let it be, it is one of the safer ways to survive in this world. You know, some of my friends have told me that they are jealous of me because I can do whatever I want to do that I am not tied up by family responsibilities. They tell me how much they long to live a life like mine. I am glad I told you that I don’t want to marry when I was 23 or 24. I do meet friends whose husbands are supportive of them but I chose to live this way and I am proud of myself for making that decision and not one day have I regretted it.
I know people who are unhappy because their husbands don’t give them enough attention. Some have resorted to really cheap things I wouldn’t imagine doing even at the brink of desperation. Some don’t get enough out their life in any aspect and some don’t have a baby inspite of trying too much. Like I said, everyone is unhappy one way or the other. They are all frantically running behind something that is not in their lives at the moment. But I am living in this moment, I have stopped to enjoy life and I can stop whenever I want and walk at my own pace. There’s no one rushing me or waiting for me. Now tell me who is living a better life? Me or them?
I know there are happy couple, dreamy couple and unfortunately I have seen them only in movies and series, then one or two here and there. When the ratio is so dissatisfying I cannot keep my hopes high. Also, you know the type of men I have met in life. They either want to listen to their parents or want me to help them with their loans, be a free servant maid to their parents and so on and so forth. The very purpose of marriage is obsolete in this society. There were few you wanted to kill yourself, we had so much fun bitching about these men! You, me and mom. If not anything, they were the best time pass for us.
I think being happy is more important than being in a relationship or being married. Won’t you agree with me? I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I don’t have to answer anyone.Both of you never question me because you trust me and I assure you that not once have I broken that trust. I do the things that please me but nobody else. I still have the prospects of doing better in my career and life on the whole. I am happier than everybody else around me and right now I think that is enough. I am only in the business of pleasing myself and nobody else. I am in a serious relationship with myself and I don’t understand why I need another person to fulfill my life.
Maybe I might like someone in future. I might find someone equally crazy and we will fall in love with each other. Maybe I will not worry about being unhappy and he might take away my trust issues. Maybe I have someone in mind now, maybe he is not the one or maybe he is. Everything is uncertain. But I can tell you one thing that is certain, I am very happy with my life right now and I am not going to marry because I am growing older or like granny said I might have fine lines on my forehead and around the corner of my lips soon (Fret not! there are anti-aging creams and I am not that old really! That old lady is just exaggerating as usual) or because I might never find someone over a point of time. The fact about that is, I never found that “one” because of which I have not gotten married yet and if I don’t in future I will carry on living. Nothing can stop me from living my life, can it pa? But when I do find someone nice, I will be married to him. But be rest assured that your little princess is more than confident and equipped to handle this big bad world even after you. But you are going to be here for more than a few years. So, stop worrying, let’s enjoy life by travelling, daydreaming together, drinking beer, eating food, cooking, going on road trips, singing out loud, arguing over who keeps the lights turned on(let’s face it. It’s always you!), who switches of the Wi-Fi while everyone’s busy using it (again, always you!), watching crazy videos together and taking the hell out of mother. Let’s not miss life waiting for my Prince Charming.
I love you pa for letting me live life the way I want to live. For giving me all the freedom that many could only dream of and thank you for always being there for me and being ready to protect me.
Happy Birthday my handsome, old man 🙂
Your loving little daughter who doesn’t need a man to complete her