The Irreplaceable

Today, I grieve the death of a person who has been very close to me than anyone else. It is his birthday today but he is not around to be wished or celebrate his birthday with us or for us to give him a surprise. This person has played an important role in my life. He has changed me, the way I look at myself and life. He likes to see everyone around him happy and I would say that’s a beautiful trait in a person. He never complains about anything and that is literally anything. If I ask him if he is OK with something because I know he is not, he would say I am privileged! I learnt a lot of things from him, through him and with him. The 5 years that we spent together in life is memorable and can never be forgotten. Few people in life are irreplaceable. They always say I couldn’t find a replacement for him/her the fact is you don’t have to! People are not replaceable. The place filled by one person remains empty when they leave. If it is not, they have not created an impact in your life. Atleast, that’s how I see it.
A little song I dedicate to this bestest, closest friend of mine who might never read it or maybe he will I don’t know…

So lonely yet happy I strode the streets
So different yet attractive you came along
So much of fights, so much of hatred
Yet you couldn’t stop looking at me
Too much to say, too little to express
I smiled at your bewitching gaze
You mesmerized the darker side of me
A person who promised to walk with me
A life that was waiting to unveil with every step we took
A love that was untold, a friendship that was family
A family that waited to be mine
A friend who never understood me
The playfulness that upset me
The care and love that stabilized you
The endless quarrels that led nowhere
We hated each other in a way to love each other more
I wanted to make you mine which you never saw
You were the wayward son and girls loved you
I waited for you hoping you would come
I opened my heart for you to see
You saw yourself and laughed at me
I was hurt and cried all night
I hid the tears behind my smile and listened about your dates
Mocking my love for you, you were gone so long
I let you go for I know you would come
You came when I was almost done
I saw that smile, the genuine love in your eyes
You didn’t want to accept defeat, you never uttered the word
I smiled back and told, ‘I knew you would come’
Not a word exchanged, not a tear spilled
The hug told everything it should
I knew what it was; I held your hand and we laughed
Your endless rants, your nonstop talks,
Your beautiful smile, those sparkling eyes
The way you feed me food and pat me to sleep
The endless nights and one song on loop
The broad chest that was always my haven
Your humour that always made me laugh
The silly fights, your daunting laziness
Every little thing that we did together
Every little thing that reminded me of us
The way you cried when my sanity took over
The way we broke it off, the way I ripped you apart
Maybe I would forgive myself someday
I know you have for you never hold grudges
I wish I could go back and change that one day
When my rationality took over and shuddered you to bits
I wish I could go back and say yes
When you begged holding my hand like a little kid
We all live on chances, how did I deny it for the love of my life?
Only to see him dead and I died within
People say moving on is easy
If only they could say how and make it happen
I wouldn’t be sitting here crying over the past
I wouldn’t be sitting here grieving about the chances we had
There were many who came and left
But you are the one and you will always be
For you are the love of my life, for you loved my darkness
You loved me for what I was and not what you wanted me to be
I loved you for the way you loved me, for I know you are a great human being
I am sure you are entertaining God there in heaven
If you happen to read this, tell him that I want him to give you that extra care
Coz you are so precious and wonderful,
like I always say you are the King and you deserve to be pampered
You always deserve the best, remember I love you and always will
For without you I am not who I am, I wouldn’t have come out of the cocoon
I wouldn’t have become this beautiful butterfly that I am
Fluttering my wings and flying around happily
Just know that I think of you everyday and I do miss you a lot
Coz you are irreplaceable my love, your place is always a big hollow in my heart!
You took a great piece of me with you to heaven
Keep it safe with you because that is the happy and carefree me!
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4 thoughts on “The Irreplaceable

  1. you know sometimes i come across posts that make me sit there and stare at my computer screen like there is an entirely big world out there. your post has moved me so immensely that i feel that whatever i write is going to be so inconsequential. through your poem, i could totally go through the whole journey, feel the ups and downs and the kind of whirlwind emotions you must have gone through. i send my warmest and most heartfelt love to your friend in heavens too. i am sure wherever he is and whatever he is doing, he is going to have one big grin and point down to earth and say that's my girl down there.
    this piece of poetry is perhaps the most truthful you must have ever written i am happy you're still happy for having me for whatever duration God chose to gave you.
    just like you wish him happiness, i am sure he wishes the same for you.
    Lots of love to you.
    I always knew you were awesome and now i know you're super awesome
    Love him, keep him in your heart because the ones we love a lot, come back disguised in some other form.. don't miss out on another shade of him 🙂

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  2. Shruti!! Thank you.. this is by far the lengthiest comment I have ever received! Thanks a lot for sending your love to him. This is one of the poems I have written for him but this is the first one that I have published here because he is not sitting next to me to read it.

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  3. Gayu, there are very few people in the world who can love our darkness, love us for what we are and not what they want us to be. That you have someone like that and you remember the little things like his playfulness, that “hate” to love more, those quarrels, those little jokes, that smile… even the walk away from you and the wait… that is wonderful. I do feel that such a person never truly leaves us, so there is no “replacement” needed. They are there always with us in spirit, and they'll still continue to play an important role, even if it is noticeable to only us. That song had memories in it, so I know it's quite close to you. I could feel that. This post is you.

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  4. Vinay, yes this post is precisely the beautiful memories of my life. I don't know if I will get to make some like these again but honestly I would love to. Of course there is no replacement for this guy and I don't want one because the pinch of pain that comes when I think of him and the fact that he is not around to share it is also a pleasure. 🙂 He is one of the most amazing men I have met in my entire life. Someone who never failed to tell me how much special I am to him in his own irritating ways. Although he's not told me how much he loves me more than 5 or 6 times the entire time we were together he never failed to show it in actions again in the most annoying way! 🙂 He will be in my life always as memories! 🙂

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