I like being myself, who doesn’t? But when you become a part of the crowd you would want to do the things that they do. You would want to be like them just so they don’t make you feel weird, actually you don’t want to feel weird because you are different from them. So, there are a lot of things about me that has changed. This weekend after Navaratri had gotten over I helped my mom to pack the golu. That’s when we found the treasure, a set of old albums. We sat together going through the album one after another. We went through the pics that were taken when I was in school, then college and throughout all the pics there was one thing I cannot help but notice, that’s my long and thick hair. I was jealous of my own hair. So, this was a part of trying to fit in operation of mine. I styled my hair, cut it, heated it, colored it and abused it so much in the past, right now I am very doubtful if I will be able to grow my hair back that long.
Then I went back thinking that my hair is beautiful anyway but seeing others I tried to be like them but I didn’t know what their journey was. Maybe they were jealous of my hair, who knows! Over a period of time I have changed so much that I have lost myself in trying to fit in. I tried and tried to be a very serious writer because few of my friends pressurized to be one. But I started blogging for fun. I have nothing against them but then I like being me. Once a friend of mine, told me if my heart is not in something no one can force me to do anything. I was that kind of person so for the past few weeks I was wondering, “Where is that girl?” The girl who likes to be herself and who loved everything about herself? In the process of trying to fit in and afraid that I might be cornered or chucked out I had stopped being myself. Sometimes, when I stand infront of the mirror I would not realize myself. As much hollywoodish it might sound that’s how I feel. I don’t have any qualms in accepting that I am a narcissist. I love to talk about myself a lot. I should be me because I love myself a lot! So I went back to being myself. I am so happy again. I just do what I want to do. I don’t care about what others would want me to do. I know I have a novel to write but it will take its course, you have wait for it because I decide when I should write it. When I get a perfect story, I should decide if I want to be another Chetan Bhagat or Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I will decide how often I should update my blog not anybody else!
Recently, I went to a 5 star hotel and as much as I loved the ambience I cannot help but notice that there was so much pretence. The waiter almost whispers whatever he told, we whispered back. Everyone around were whispering. There was very low lighting and the fact is I love to see what’s on my plate. We are out with friends, family and someone special and I think you should be yourself with them. I laughed out loud and a foreign lady sitting next to me gave me a disgusted look. I don’t care! We are Indians and let’s not pretend to be someone else. They are here as visitors and let them get accustomed to our country’s practices. As much rude as it sounds, they don’t pretend to be us when we go there we go there and pretend to be a part of them, so when are we “allowed” to be US? This is when I decided, 5 star hotels are not my thing. I would like to talk in normal tone, see my food, have a wide range of south Indian and north Indian food to eat, fold your leg in the chair, spill some food on your clothes while you eat and munch on and say mmmmmmmmmm…..Be desi, be me! I will decide how I should look whether my hair should be straight or wavy or springy! I love me for what I am!
If being myself makes me weird, cheap, local or whatever I don’t care. Maybe I am different but I am still me. You should also forget those table manners, pretence, globalization and try being yourself too sometimes. Afterall, noone’s stopping you!