I am a very emotional person. I get involved with people and get messed in my head. I have had many people in many instances have tried to use my love for them and have succeeded. So, I thought I should be logical and a less emotional person. I also used to believe in miracles and that beautiful things always happen to everybody in the world. All these only till I had my first heart break. It left me shattered and I was left with nothing but pain. That was when I thought maybe these people who are rational and who always go by logics are happy because they listen to their brain. Heart always says, “Go for it!” Then the brain says, “I don’t think that is a good idea because of so and so reason.” Heart argues, because the heart wants what it wants. Then brain comes with the best possible answer that shuts your heart up. “Trust me, you don’t want to get hurt again.”
I practiced being logical. It was very easy because I always had a solution. There was certainity but what happened was I stopped being that person I used to be, the person who was willing to take the risk to let the person I love know that I love him. All I did was work out the logics in my head, disappoint my heart, control it from jumping in happiness whenever I spoke to that person or saw him because my heart is afraid to get hurt again. The pain of love is the last thing I would want in my life. Now if I think of it, at least for the past few days I am thinking what is the use of being logical? What is the use of being afraid to say the person you love that you love them? You never know they are afraid to take the first step too. Maybe they are waiting for you to understand that yes they want to be with you too.
Being logical has made me emotionless. I feel nothing these days, if you ask me if I am happy being that logical person. I am happy, yes! I am very certain of that but deep down I carry the load. When I walk back the memory lane I was a crazy person running behind people who don’t want to stay with me. Inspite of all the love I showered on certain people they left me without giving a reason they were happy when I was heartbroken and confused because I didn’t know why they had left me. But I had people who consoled me and reassured that my life will become better. It did and these people who consoled me were still there. I have friends whom I can call in the middle of the night just to rant and they would patiently listen to me. How did I earn these people? By being that crazy girl that I used to be. They did not love me for my logics but they loved me for the limitless love I gave them they decided to stay.
Then I decided that I am going to be this crazy and illogical person. I would dare to listen to my heart and take the risk for once in life to see what happens. When I was talking to a good friend of mine I told him that I am afraid to love again when he said take chances you never know this time you might not get hurt. But then I have heard that a gazillion times and have gotten hurt. But again I had these people with me. Life is such a beautiful pattern where if one person leaves there is going to be another. There is always someone who is going to be ready to put up with your bullshit and there is always going to be someone who is going to hate you for the way you are but still stick along because they love you no matter how much imperfect you are.
Afterall, life is about second chances, giving more love when a person hates you. Life is about smiles and tears, fights and hugs, people and relationship. What is the point of being logical and afraid when you can be illogical and happy? What is the point in being thoughtful and alone when you can be crazy and among the people you love? What is life without risks and heartbreaks? What is life without running behind what you want? Just a boring pile of regrets that you will crave to relive but can never go back. Today, make a choice, do you want to be logical and afraid or illogical and daring that you can tell the person that you love them and you are willing to take chance. Tell the person you love that you love them, even if they are going to tell you that they don’t feel the way you do, even if they are going to friend-zone you. Trust me, you will feel unburdened end of the day because you get closure!