Being Unmarried – A fatal disease

My cousin was having her baby shower sometime last week and my mother denied going to the function. I asked her the reason and she said that all my relatives will ask her about my marriage and about the groom search. Fair enough! How can I not be married? I am in my late 20s and my cousin who is having her baby shower is only 24, she’s already pregnant. What a responsible girl! I on the other hand would have told no to over gazillion proposals so far. Every other girl of my age is busy making babies or growing them up and here I am wanting to become a writer, grow up the career ladder and do something useful out of my life, not that making babies Is not a useful thing to do. It is definitely useful and I don’t mean to say that married women are not ambitious either. Marriage is just not in my list yet So stop forcing me to be one of them! I don’t listen to elders because I have my own set of preferences about the person I am going to live with for the rest of my life which is practically not acceptable or possible. I have my own set of preferences and priorities in life itself and marriage is the last thing I want to think about right now. Somehow, the society and people in my family find it so hard to accept, not that I have not tried explaining them, I have. Everytime I try either I miserably fail to make them understand or they just don’t get it.  They find my ideologies frustrating. My mother gets blamed everytime she goes to meet her parents for letting me be independent. They give her that IT’s-ALL-BECAUSE-OF-YOU look when I just say something very blunt when they are putting in all their efforts to marry some random guy.
 Everyday she gets called by her sisters, brothers, cousins and every possible distant relative asking why I haven’t gotten married yet. They are sure I am in a relationship that could be unacceptable because of which I am afraid of telling my parents. I might elope too. Seriously! Elope! My mom and I have a good laugh over these conversations. Then comes my grandma from Dubai every year for 6 months saying, “I haven’t brought any silk sarees this time because I am hoping you will get engaged during my stay and that way I will get new sarees” OK! I am not getting married because you want silk sarees. I have stopped going to my family get togethers where there are people who are obsessed about my wedding, explaining why I should not have my expectations high and why getting married RIGHT NOW is very important. These days the only thing I hear is that I am opinionated because I say that my wavelength cannot match a man who is 8 – 9 years elder to me. I cannot say that I cannot marry that guy. WHAT!! Are you kidding me? I am already in my late 20’s and this guy is 9 years elder to me. My last aunt is 9 years elder to me. I mean how stupid and illogical can people be! I am simply not comfortable doing that. Isn’t the thought of getting married to someone supposed to be comforting? OK, maybe I cannot use the word “comforting” because there’s going to be someone sharing your room, your thoughts, decisions and practically everything except tooth brushes I am not allowing that! Irrelevant I know so anyway, is there a problem if I wait for my Mr. Perfecto?
Do you know one of the main reasons why any girl should get married soon is because I might have troubles making babies if they grow old? I once had someone give me a huge lecture on this and I was really very irritated. I was like seriously, dude! Stop it! I had to tell him, “If you want me to make babies to be safer I can always do that.” to shut him up in shock. So, now again this is also a problem if I get married then people are going to have trouble with me not having babies even before my first wedding anniversary. Then it fetches you a social status. You have a husband. It’s like you are having a Benz or a hummer or a villa or something like that. Talk about the pitiful looks I earn when I go to a wedding of someone. I feel like a terminally ill patient who will never see the light of next day.

I once told my mom, “I feel like I have very fatal disease.” She knows I was going to say something related to this wedding torture I am going through rather we are going through! She smiled and asked, “What?” I said, “I am unmarried and everybody feels sorry about me.Like I am going to die any minute from now” She laughed deliriously and hugged me. It hurt my feelings I wasn’t joking. On a serious note, my parents are not really very healthy and these things just add up to their stress. They are fine with me not getting married and waiting to find someone who will respect me and the love I have for him. I only wish this society can understand that marriage is not a social status or a fancy thing to do!  

Finally, thank you to all the married women of my age who make me feel better by saying I am lucky to be unmarried even in my late 20s 🙂 Love you all! 

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12 thoughts on “Being Unmarried – A fatal disease

  1. hey i got married cos my parents wanted me to. .my wedding was nt planned either. . the guy who i was engaged to left me for another girl two weeks before the fixed date. . and then came my husband who is 7 years elder to me. .i spoke for two hours and i knew he was a sensible person. . and like you said i have a baby before my first anniversary. . we didnt try for a baby. . things happened too quick in my life before i could decide on things. . but things arent dat bad either. . listen to your heart and do as it says. . wish you luck:-)

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  2. 7 months back I got married and already heard so many lectures to have a kid as soon as possible.. Because according to them if I delay having a kid then I would face a lot of problem having them later.. I dunno why these people are so much worried of me having a kid. It would be me who would have to face the responsibilities and consequences after a kid not them.. Luckily my husband is supportive..
    I wish the girl like us can go to some far away place where there are no traces of these irritating relatives..

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  3. nice reading & feel some issue i also faced as I am boy but living in society at this age no merried relative start to sucks. 1 shd marry or nt or when marry it is personal decesion bt people are people log h kuch to kahenge hi

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  4. Hey Gayathri,
    i came across your blog from the blogger confession's page. i loved this post of yours. i could co-relate myself to what you have said. The worst part is that even if you make up your mind and go to attend any of the family functions, people start introducing you not with your name or saying she is so-and-so's daughter. They introduce you with your age, qualification and with the name of the company that you work for. Where is the identity that you have worked so hard to achieve if this is all that matters to the world.
    Really the most tough and strenuous phase of life. Why not let us be the way we are!

    Regards
    Rakshatha

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