I have always thought that life without regrets is a blissful life. I go around proudly saying everybody I do not carry regrets because I make sure I don’t carry any. I am the kind of person; although very renitent to temptations I would do things if I am seriously urged to do it. But sometimes I think maybe if I was given one more chance I would have done it better or I would just wish for another chance because I knew things would have changed had I had that one more chance! I knew I would have had it because I was just there.
I was doing my masters at BITS, Pilani which was a part of my job. The company I worked for offered me a job with a Masters from this esteemed university. I was grateful when I was given this opportunity. They took care of the education expenses and also paid us for working in their organization. However life happened. Relationship, break up, friends, money, and comfort, having things when I wanted to have them happened. I was distracted. When I was in college my parents were not really well off to buy me the things I wanted to buy immediately. I had to wait and I was not pushy too because I know they will not be able to afford it. So I tell myself that I will buy the things that want I to buy after I finish my graduation and get on a good job. But then I had no idea what money and exposure could do to a person then. Money brought in irresponsibility, playfulness and lethargy into my life, not to mention laziness. I cared the least for my studies and CGPA. It kept going down as every year passed when it has to be the other way round. I put least effort, never worked hard what did they mean anyway? I was enjoying my life having all the pleasures I had missed out on!
Life gave me all the fake pleasures and then slapped reality on my face. I was at the verge of completing my course when the love of my life decided to leave me, my close friend fought with me and my complete world came shattering down. People used my vulnerability; I was too fragile and took any advice that was given to me at the moment. I was thrown here and there by the tides of betrayal and finally left in a world I had none. I was in a no man’s land. One moment I had everything and the next moment I had nothing and nobody around me. I took refuge of writing and books. I started writing and I never expected so many people to like whatever I wrote.
And while I was becoming a famous blogger in my company and was making new friends I was letting my job and my masters which was precious to me the moment I joined slip off my hands. It didn’t matter to me then because to me I had already lost everything that made me happy and this was the only thing left and I know no matter how hard I try it is not going to stay. Finally, the job I was proud of, the one that I always bragged was hard earned without anybody’s reference or help left me. I was thrown out of my company because I had low CGPA. I was not able to finish my course and I had to remain without a job for several months. Trust me, it was pathetic! So here, I am the only one responsible for what I had lost. I am the only person who could have set things right had I worked on the things I noticed but ignored a long time ago. It wouldn’t have happened to me if I had been a little more responsible, focused and not lost in the temporary pleasures that left me behind!
Now I have a satisfying job, handful of salary, I am a better writer now with more followers on my blog. I have earned few lovely friends who will stay with me forever and hopefully I know I will have a beautiful relationship in future. I learnt a lot of lessons during those days which I should be grateful for, to the company and my friends who are not a part of my world now. But If I had another chance, I would go back to those days I lost wasting on useless things and work hard, stay focused, be responsible, be who I am and will finish the course. If I had another chance I would make my parents who never said a word about this till today proud to have me in my life. I know I will make them and I am making them proud in various other ways but this will remain in my heart forever because this is the only biggest blunder I had ever done in my life which I was not able to fix and will never be, ever! Still I wish I had another chance to fix things up and live a regret-free life! Anyway, everything is for better! J
I think this is the first time I am even telling about this. I don’t remember sharing this to even the closest friend of mine.
Thanks to Preeti Shenoy who I think finally made me spill this out of my head. It surely was eating my brain all these days!
I am writing this blog for the contest she conducts in her blog every week, “Wishful Wednesdays”