I am back to my preaching mode and I think I reach this mode when my heart after having gone through a lot of havoc finally rests and says, ”Hey let it go! Time for some peace!” and then craziness goes on vacation. I cannot explain how contended I feel when this happens. I stop worrying, thinking and for good or worse I even stop socializing or talking to people for sometime. But I think this is necessary I want some time with myself I spend so many days caring, listening, talking, hugging, and pacifying. I would settle down with a book and sometimes I just sit doing nothing (Oh yea! I do that) I live in my own world introspecting and talking to myself. This is the time I make the major decisions of my life. I throw the junk out of my head and even people. Trust me you need to clear few people out of your life the ones who don’t understand you, the ones who make you sad and the ones you have been waiting for a long time to change their minds. You need to remove them off your life. They don’t deserve you! Then I try to find my other interests and pick a hobby. Like joining the dance class or learn a new language, go swimming, aerobics even cycling.
The last time I went on this mode I learnt how to put the most popular word, “move on” in action. I had a heart break because of a very close friend of mine. But little did I realize that time changes everybody and everybody would want to have their personal space and they cannot be with me all the time. I am not very good at handling lose and change, well most of us aren’t! So I cried, I sulked, I was irritated with life, God and myself for the reasons I don’t know. I would call him incessantly and he wouldn’t answer if he did we will end up arguing more on who was wrong! I was getting sick of it and I think my mother was getting sicker! She is such an awesome woman! An angel. She found what was happening to me with my mood swings. She said, “Talk to yourself, think why these things happened and try to understand what you want. This is getting you nowhere. Take a paper or your laptop, write down everything you feel and leave it, move on you have a life that you should lead happily not like this!”
I did spend a considerable amount of time thinking about everything that happened between us. When we are emotional we tend to change our mind every minute so I let my mind talk everything it wants to talk and waited for that one moment when it would calm down and that moment came after almost 2 weeks and one fine day when I woke up I told myself, “I don’t want to talk to him anymore.” I heard a sharp and clear reply, ‘Then don’t’ I was surprised of what I heard and yes I heard it from within me! I asked again, “What?” It said, “You don’t want to talk to him, don’t talk! How hard is that to understand?” yes it said that. J
I stopped talking to him I drifted myself from him. I didn’t feel bad about it at all! Surprisingly, both of us were fine with it! I finally decided to let him go and off went the memories with him. I did miss us but I had to do it for both of us we were making each other’s life hell! I stopped thinking about what happened between us and started concentrating on other things that will keep me happy. I gave both of us the space we needed to heal the wounds that was created because of the harsh words exchanged. After few days, I got a call from this best friend of mine and he apologized J we are back to what we were now, we are good friends again who respect each other. And when we started talking the very first thing he told me was, “I know I have hurt you a lot and I just wanted you to know I didn’t mean anything of whatever I said! I told them in anger and I know they should have hurt you badly. It was all just because of anger, I love you! And I know you still love me because you have a huge heart!” These are the exact words he told me and I remember them so well J I was so overwhelmed not only about his comeback, I was flattered too (hehe).
Thanks to my mother who taught me that and yea! I almost forgot when are you going to spend time with yourself?
PS 1 : I did not reunite with my boyfriend, this is a very best friend of mine and this is the second blog I am writing about the fight we had. It taught me a lot.
PS2 : Those who know stop thinking who it is and start thinking if you are OK with talking to yourself again.
PS3: The same solution doesn’t apply to all the situations it is subject to vary based on people so you have to think!
final PS (hopefully) I wrote the first PS because I had so many people pinging me congratulating on me reuniting with my bf 😐