Let me be ME

One of my close friends always tells me that I am an Alice in wonderland. I am an optimist I find possibility in every situation. I say everything is possible, when someone tells me that they don’t think it’s possible, I would ask, ‘why not?’ So this close friend of mine once told me that he loves a girl and he wants to marry her I said, ‘then go tell her’ and he said, ‘I don’t think I should I might lose her friendship.’ I said, ‘She might actually become your lover, you know!’ Guess what! She was waiting for him to propose.  

When I was in school I wanted to take up biology as my major my parents were fine with it, infact they are fine with everything I do. So when I said this to one of my cousin who is considered to be a BIG person at home because she was in the states and being in states at that time was really BIG. She asked, “why do you want to be a doctor?” I said, “No but I want to be a fashion designer.” You should have seen her expression then she looked at me like I said I wanted to be a porn star or something similar to that. “You want to be a fashion designer? Do you know how much money goes into being a fashion designer? You have to spend lot of money on exhibitions and shows! Moreover, your life will be ruined. It will take lot of time to get settled. It is not suitable for middle class family like us.’ I said, ‘Maybe I will become successful!’ I don’t give up that easily so I wrote the entrance and got through, but was placed in Delhi, my dad played sentimental tantrums and made me stay here. My aim was doomed so I stopped stalling and decided to take up a course in English literature and become an English Professor, but I had another villain who said that course is worth nothing. If it’s worth nothing why would so many people study it! Anyway, I am a boring Business Analyst now! A fashion Designer turned Business Analyst!! Can you see at least a bleak relevance?

This might sound crazy I have always dreamt of a very handsome man to be my husband and this from class 8 maybe or should be even before that. I always wanted to have a perfectly handsome husband and a beautiful family with 2 kids. When women see my husband I want them to throw jealousy looks on me. Yea, that was my criteria. I don’t believe in, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and other similar quotes. So when I grew up and reached the age when I should get married (Do we really need an age to get married? I doubt! OK forget it.) reality struck me hard, trust me they are talking business and not marriage. Everybody is forcing me to marry some random guy if the horoscope matched! This is driving me insane. I told them that I want a handsome guy you know what happened? I was receiving e-mails from every corner of the world convincing me to marry and looks doesn’t really matter! Well, It does to me and I am not able to compromise myself on that one factor and why should I? So I tried explaining them what I wanted and everybody turned deaf! I gave up explaining after a point of time. But the ritual keeps going. To me marriage is supposed to happen only if I fall in love with a person or at least feel a connection when you see them, I don’t feel it when I see all the passport size photographs or photos clicked while they were rushing to the loo to pee or like they were just pointed a gun to their head and made to pose in front of an Eiffel tower! Moreover, I am fine with not being married. But they just want me to get married because every other cousin in my family is getting married.

Then another day I was talking about publishing a novel and starting a publishing house then also a magazine. Few of them who heard it looked honestly appalled and they expressed it too. I didn’t understand why! I know it is tough but it is not impossible!  Nothing in this world is! I had only negative things coming from all the directions so that was when I decided that I will not talk to people who do not have the ability to use their mind and think on their own. It is true I might sound aggressive but these people are so spineless they cannot take the risk! Life without risks will be filled with regrets, because when you hear from someone who followed your dream and became successful (that’s not a typo I meant your dream) someday, you would think, ‘Maybe I should have given it a try too!’ and when that thought comes to your mind, the life that you have led so far becomes meaningless. I don’t want to lead a life like that.

I also don’t understand something! Why I am not allowed to live my life? It’s after all mine. I don’t want the society to give me a set of rules that I should follow, screw the rules! They want me to become a Business Analyst, they want me to work for a reputed organization, they don’t want me to be independent, I am not allowed to voice out my opinion when they take charge of my life, if I do they call me ill-mannered and arrogant. People are so narrow-minded to accept individuality! They always think life has to be based on a set of codes that was already designed for them. But I say I can make my own rules and you can go to hell. I will believe that I will marry a really handsome person after falling in love with him and it will happen, I believe that I will start a publishing house in future and my magazine would be successful, I believe that one day my dreams will come true and when I look back I will smile at the roads I had crossed and walked through. I will surely not regret, because I was being me and I followed my heart, I did not follow a pattern that was already available; I did not look for safety!

So let me be ME! Let me follow my dreams, let me follow my heart, because tomorrow if something goes wrong I will be contented because it was worth the shot!

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36 thoughts on “Let me be ME

  1. Unabashed, candid and striking….Oh Girl !!!, you already are on your way to freedom. Nobody can stop you from that now. Superb Post. I'm sure a lot of people will relate to what you've blogged. Wonderfully written too.

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  2. Everything is possible with time and hard work.. but unless you try it you will never know..
    Keep trying new things and take chances..

    Cheers,
    BK

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  3. Go for it and you could still try your hand at Fashion Designing and publish your own designs in your magazine from your publishing house and find a handsome man while doing so! Good Luck 😀

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  4. Miracles happens in life… being what you want to be, despite of all the odds,is what you call miracle… and this miracle is summoned not by some supernatural power but by one himself with deep-rooted determination and desire

    nice one Gayatri… life is based on a set of codes…now it depends whether one wants to be the programmer himself or rely on sm1 other

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  5. I know exactly how you feel! Tam Brahm families are impossible sometimes. I love them to bits but at the end of the day, you're getting married not them. If some aunt who hasn't met you in 6 years tells you to marry a guy whose horoscope matches, tell her to marry him if she wants to.
    At the end of the day, marriage is not about compromise: its about love. And you deserve the romance and the chase before it. Trust me, we all do. 🙂

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  6. Hey he he he… Once again, I had the tune in my mind and you wrote the lyrics and composed it… Awesome… my story is a little bit different… I had a lot of poking when i was about to decide my way of life… and i believe now it is not as much as it was before…. Your interruptions are might look small to me… but it is you who face them… At this point what i wanted to say is “HOLD YOUR GROUND”… do not lose it… no matter what ever happens… it is very difficult… coz life will drag you from all directions… never let go… and once again…”AWESOME”… 🙂

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  7. yaayyyyyyyyy… if u remember i said once.. “stay gayu”… n duh ur thinking about it now 😛
    do try what you like… 😀 dont listen to others nuf of preaching… just njoy 🙂

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  8. hahaha writer!! I loved the last line.. 😀 yea so I choose to be the programmer of my life! 🙂 And I cannot agree more with each and every line here! 🙂

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  9. Nicely put. Man, you ARE frustrated 🙂 As far as choosing a career goes – I believe social stigma and societal pressures go a long way in influencing thoughts of our earlier generation. Especially in the south, women are encouraged to work. Have a stable, well-earning, well-respected job (aka IT or a doctor), in the north (especially UP and MP) females are encouraged to study well so they are placed higher in the bride market but beyond that, a lot of them do not work outside the home. Atleast this is my experience having known people from both parts. I could be wrong. Just my observation. If you notice educational courses or even the sheer number of colleges for engineering or medical, fashion designing or creative English course colleges are nowhere close – this is only in India. If you look at the US every university offers such a wide variety of courses – well utilized by students. But that has got to do with the job market too. In India we do not have a wide job market for non-engineering or non-medical courses. Why talk about fashion designing or creative writing? Even the science affiliated biotechnology or psychiatry or physiotherapy has such a poor market. Things are improving, acceptances are growing but its going to take a while. When you talk to elders about Fashion designing the first thing that comes to their mind is skimpy clothes. Plus, anything and everything that can be linked to a celebrity life is considered taboo by the middle class folks. Sometimes the well paying jobs etc are also sought more because after marriage, the onus falls upon the husband wife to buy a house, pay for kids education and all. At those times sometimes circumstances make the decision more than desire. If you think you can manage life and help out your family plus it will keep you at peace, then I am all with you! At the end of the day however it is your life and we need to be able to softly convince others that we dont mean wrong.

    As far as finding a groom goes, here's my viewpoint. If you're going in for an arranged marriage, I think you have got every right to find a guy who satisfies all conditions that you want. In a love marriage, certain things dont matter. Rather, we never ponder over some conditions intentionally. Love just happens. But for an arranged marriage, since the love part comes and gets stronger later, you have all the more reason to get your conditions met. I couldn't help notice and I am going to tell this – hopefully you dont get offended – if you're going in for an arranged marriage – do find out about the family too – you might have to think about conditions related to them too; like type of dressing in the house, outside the house, religious calling, ability to work etc. Best wishes for both your career and your marriage!

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  10. Well said 🙂 Last line made me remember Geet of Jab we Met movie.. Good Luck Gayatri.. I am sure u ll find your good looking Mr.Right very soon 🙂 *hugs*

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  11. Hamsini! I actually did that once to my uncle and my mother cannot stop laughing, she likes the fact that I stand by what I want and she tries to support me every single time, Oh! She's an awesome woman! 🙂 very true nobody can compromise on marriage coz its not a easy decision!Thank you for the visit! 🙂

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  12. Whoa! Seriously!! ME!! :O I am so shocked and honored and surprised and oh my god! So much emotions at the sametime in a long time!! Thank you!! 😀 Thanks a ton for giving me the good news!! 🙂

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  13. lol hahaha No I am thinking it again and again! 😛 Yes, I will do what I like advice taken ji! and you can never stop yourself from adding the mean part haan! Preaching is one of the good things I do.. so let me do it.. :/ idiot!

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  14. Deepa, I will never go for an arranged marriage! I hate that ritual.. it's more like a business to me and i don't find it offending at all.. because I have seen few profiles where they specify the type of dress they expect the girl to wear.. I just give a blank reaction! Everything is fair in love and war and when I fall in love with a person he is already a perfect man… and that's why I love him right? So yes, love marriage is always the best.. as the saying goes.. A known devil is better than an unknown angel! That's what it is for me.. and I cannot agree more with you on the education part.. I cannot believe that I have to travel to Delhi to take up a regular Creative writing course in English from the British Council library although there is a library in Chennai they offer the course only in Delhi.. and the french classes from Alliance franchise is getting postponed continuously because of inadequate number of students quite sad if you ask me! 😦 But I think this situation will change as generation and the way of thinking changes now everything is globalized I am hoping for our thoughts to get globalized too.. 🙂 thank you for the lengthy comment! I always love reading it.. you come up with amazing facts! 🙂

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  15. Thank you Sonia!! 😀 I actually realised that only after you told me.. I have watched that movie like more than 50 times but never realised when I wrote it! 🙂 Oh yea! Sure I think he is looking for me too.. hugs!! 🙂

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  16. Hi Gayathri,
    The pain of being in the wrong profession and the irrepressible desire to try something new! Most of us go through that sometime in our lives, how we deal with it differs from individual to individual. There are two kinds of jobs, one that you are in just for the money and one that gives you pleasure. If you are in a job that gives you only a paycheck, you still have the option of using your remainder time doing what you love. I have been juggling between being a freelance journalist and a microbiologist, but for me, I love both, so haven't been able to pick one. What is most important though, is to follow what you love, because at the end of the day, that is what will give you a good night's sleep 🙂

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  17. I totally agree with you! Now I like being a Business Analyst and I do pursue my passions dance and writing in my free time. It helps me to keep myself engaged and also happy! 🙂 I cannot agree more with your last comment “end of the day, that is what will give you a good night's sleep” loved it and it is so true! 🙂 and you have 2 interestingly different professions. 🙂

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  18. Superb Post.
    Even I'm tired of hearing, “YOU WANT TO DO THAT? *wide eyes* ITS NO USE” 😐 What the hell yaar? If its no use then there wouldn't be such a course. Anyways, Its my life. I can do whatever I want na. My mistake, my happiness, my regrets. What is to them? 😐 😦

    Anyways, Don't listen to them Di :D. You go and get what you want 😉 :D.
    Marry DEAN xD Start a publishing house :D. I will be a subscriber of your magazine for sure ;). Do make sure to put photos of IAN in every post 😛 😛 😛 :D.
    And I will go learn Animation and start my own company :D. Oh! I will make sure you watch all my videos and movies 😛 😀 :P.

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  19. :O Now I am getting second ideas about starting a publishing house… 😛 If I put Ian in every post Dean will be angry with me I can't disappoint my sweet heart hes already heart broken coz he cannot save the world… 😦 Movies I can watch! 😛 No problem!! 😀 please don't make vampire stories! 😐 😛 and thanks a ton dear yes we should always follow our heart.. that is best for us..(but not all the time) 🙂

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  20. Hahaha :P. JK 😛 :D. Ahan? 😛 Ok :P.
    lol :O Me hate Vampires :|.
    Dean kills vampires :D. Me love dean :D.
    Damon is a vampire but Ian is not 😉 :D.
    I love IAN 😀 :D.

    Hehe :). But I will always follow my heart 😉 😀 :D.

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  21. Heyyy !!

    This is such a plain post, yet the most lovable one. Yes, posts could be loved too ! I agree with your notions to all extents. Society could be screwed, hence I believe they dont pay us for living on their basis, so shut them up and move forward 🙂

    Last but not the least, the points you stated are a common phase of Indian middle families. Its a usual go for them. For us, rather. going through similar conditions. Uhh people !

    Anyways,
    Keep writing,
    Smart moves
    Regards,
    Latikaa

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